support: a matter of attitude

support (verb): to undergo or endure, especially with patience or submission

I've had talks with friends before where they ask, "How do you do it?" And all I say is, "I don't know. I just do."

When people see me from the outside looking in, they probably see a supportive, loving wife who sacrifices so much for her acting husband. At least this is what they tell me. And I'm grateful this is what they see because it means I am putting up a good front.

Now don't get me wrong. I do see myself this way. Supportive. Loving. Sacrificing. But I'm far from getting The Most Supportive Wife Award. There have been times when he's come home at night and I'm angry because he was having fun rehearsing and I was painting my toe nails watching "Toy Story 3" for the 27th time. There have been times where I'll be sitting in the audience with my family or friends and my husband kisses another girl on stage and everyone looks over at me to see how I'll react. And there have been times when I'm jealous because he is at college doing what he loves and I got a degree that I'll probably never use.

For most of our marriage, I have complained that he loves theatre more that he loves me. This is half joke, half truthful feeling. And somewhere in the recesses of my mind, I believed that all this complaining would get him to change. And when he wouldn't change, my attitude would get worse and I would complain some more. It got to the point where my support became an emotional mess. I would tolerate him being gone and rehearsing with friends and doing what he loves because I love him. But I would be angry and jealous along the way.

It wasn't until about a month ago that I realized that my attitude about his career was seriously negative. Being supportive is all a matter of attitude. Sure I can be angrily supportive. But what good is that going to do? He's not going to feel supported and he's definitely not going to change. But if I can change the way I see things and have a positive attitude, that could make all the difference. I can see nightly rehearsals as an opportunity for him to learn and grow and for me to expand my hobbies. I can see on-stage kisses as nothing more than two sets of lips touching. I can see his degree as my degree because I was positively supporting him from the sides.

I'm not going to change overnight but I'm going to give it my all.

support (verb): to undergo or endure, especially with patience or submission and a darn good attitude